I can feel my heart racing. my chest feels like its gonna cave in. the love I thought I had was a lie. I never invested so much time and energy into a person. tears roll down my face onto my pillow as I lay, curled in my bed, trying to stop the ache that has taken over my whole body. my nerves won’t quit. hyperventilating, I welcome the idea of death, the reason I saw myself living for, betrayed me. the thought of the one I loved no longer loving me broke me down to a point where I couldn’t be built back up. i yearned for his touch, for his voice to tell me it would be okay, but it wasn’t okay. and those would be the last words he would ever say. the urge to throw up was lurking in my stomach. I wanted to play in 5 o’clock traffic, reckless like, fuck it. but I knew the pain I was holding was nothing compared to how I would leave my friends and family feeling. I want to scream. and cry. and die. was I that bad? am I that bad of a person to deserve this feeling? the feeling of deceit and a lack of love that could only be filled by him? I know he’s not worth it. tears that could mourn my loved ones are wasted on a person who couldn’t have really cared for me. not if he treated me the way he did. I want to die. the only thing I can honestly say, I want to die. I don’t wanna live without him. I can’t.